Journal Exercise: Divorce and Grief

Many clients come to me after their divorce is final, when they need help processing their grief, letting go of what no longer serves them, and rediscovering a sense of clarity and purpose. This journal exercise is one of the many tools I provide to help clients move forward with greater emotional freedom, self-awareness, and strength.

Karla McLaren, in her book Language of Emotions, views grief as a profound and essential emotion that acts as a deep river of the soul. She emphasizes that grief is not only about mourning what has been lost but also about fully honoring the significance of that loss. Grief invites us to ask, “What must be released completely?” and “What have I not fully mourned?” In McLaren's perspective, grieving is a process of acknowledgment and release that allows us to move forward with greater clarity and emotional freedom. It requires patience, compassion, and an acceptance of the natural flow of life’s changes.

Divorce represents a significant life transition, and from McLaren’s lens, it is not just the end of a marriage but also the loss of shared dreams, identity as part of a couple, and possibly a vision of the future. Grief here is multifaceted—it includes mourning the tangible losses, like a shared home or daily routines, and the intangible ones, like the emotional safety or connection you once felt.

To navigate your grief, reflect on McLaren’s questions:

• What must I release completely?
  Do I need to release attachments to the life I thought I would have? Are there lingering hopes or regrets? Is there blame or anger keeping me tied to the pain?

• What have I not fully mourned?
  Have I allowed myself to mourn the love I shared with my partner, the good memories, or even the parts of myself that were lost or changed in the marriage? Are there losses or changes in my life that I have not released or grieved?

By exploring these questions, you can reflect on your divorce as an emotional and spiritual process of renewal. Grieving allows you to acknowledge the depth of your loss while creating space for new beginnings. Through this lens, grief becomes a tool for transformation rather than a barrier, helping you reimagine your life with clarity, authenticity, and peace.